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Is there even a part of a human body that couldn`t be injected, cut, sewed and transformed to fit some concrete beauty standards? We highly doubt that – especially when we went down the dark rabbit hole of extreme and disturbing beauty procedures to create this list. How far would you go in a name of trends and timeless beauty?
Ok, so lip fillers, breast augmentation, microblading, and the list goes on and on… When you come to the point where you`ve had it all and see no use of living anymore unless you find something else in your body to inject or cut – then you might come up with the genius idea to inject your nipples with fillers to make them look more erect and prominent. Yep, now you`ve really found the meaning of life… that comes with just slight side effects of possible breast infections and problems with breast feeding in future. Fun, huh?
MOISTURIZER WITH YOUR OWN BLOOD
This treatment is not for the faint-hearted ones, as this so-told miracle moisturizer contains it`s owners literal blood. Yeah, you heard us right – the doctor pulls the blood out and puts your own plasma in this cream. This sounds like an evil queen`s favourite treatment from some kind of a twisted dark fairy tale but actually the effects of this cream (that costs A LOT!) haven`t been proven by an independent research. So yeah. We are advocates to beauty that comes from nature as well, but this seems just way, WAY too far. So we guess we`ll just stick to birch water and moss extracts (hey, at least they work!).
Just take a look at the glossy magazine spreads, high fashion advertorials and music videos and you`ll be convinced that flat hair gives you zero rights to be a happy, sexy and self-satisfied human being. Bouncy and voluminous hair is a desirable feature, and in name of that many women are ready to go straight crazy. As it turns out, tons of hairspray and hair extensions are so 2010 – now women can casually order a blowtox, botox injections in scalps to make their blowdries last longer. Botox blocks the sweat glands, therefore hair doesn`t get sweaty and greasy. Sounds like the next step will be injecting the botox all over the body so one could just skip showering.
BOOB JOB FOR 24 HOURS
We all love the legendary Cinderella story where a girl got glass slippers and beautiful dress just for one night to go to a ball – and now a doctor in New York is playing this fairy godmother role by presenting InstaBreast, a technique that lets you get your dream breasts in 20 minutes. The only problem is that they last for only… 24 hours. The doctor injects about a half litre of saline in patient`s breast tissue that slowly absorbs in the bloodstream, so it`s like a push-up bra for one night that defloats by morning like birthday balloons (“Squeeeek!”). So, breasts – check, invitation – check, but where are my glass slippers and pumpkin carriage?!
“OMG, your ears are SO ugly!” Said no one… ever?! At least we thought so, until we heard about the ear filler procedure. Turns out that ears are the new lips – they are being reshaped and re-designed to fit some concrete standards. This made us wonder which celebs are the benchmarks of this craze so we could go to the surgeon and ask, for example, for Emma Stone`s lobes or Kylie Jenner-sized ears. Or most likely we`ll just skip this one.
RAMEN NOODLE JACUZZI
Ok, it`s not an injectable or anything surgical, but we just wanted to list this as it finally sounds like hella fun! This is like a complete dream come true to every Asian food lover. Move away, champagne baths and gold facials, because becoming a real-life human noodle bowl sounds like a total #lifegoal. The owner of this noodle SPA says that ramen broth is full of collagen therefore it gives a lot of benefits to a human metabolism and skin. Dinner and SPA served at the same time sounds like an unforgettable experience.
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE CRAZIEST BEAUTY TREATMENT AND WOULD YOU BE READY TO TRY ANY OF THESE?
Illustrations: Rūta Briede